Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

In the satisfyingly bleak opener to Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End numerous men, women, and children all line up to be hanged unceremoniously (I swear it’s not as grueling as it sounds) in what could very well be my favorite moment of the franchise (trilogy?). It seems that in the aftermath of securing the heart of Davy Jones (Bill Nighy) and thereby the command of him and his crew, the tyrannous Lord Beckett (Tom Hollander) has stripped citizens of their rights and demanded that all fraternization with pirates should be instantaneously and unquestionably punished by death. Meanwhile, prim lady turned self-elected scalawag Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley), her bitter but still adoring significant other Will Turner (Orlando Bloom), and the recently raised from the dead Captain Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) are on a quest to rescue Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) from Davy Jones’s locker (i.e. hell) by voyaging to world’s end (i.e. Singapore). I could get into all the painstaking and illogical details, but then I’d just confuse myself. Suffice it to say, Jack needs to get rescued and the pirates need to come up with a plan to thwart Beckett if all is to be well again.

Speaking honestly, if for some reason you enjoyed Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, then I guess there’s really no point in reading this review. I hated that film and I disliked this one almost as much, but popular opinion seems to be riding against me when it comes to these things, so I’m willing to concede that maybe there’s something I’m just not getting. I don’t think so. But maybe.

In my opinion, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End is yet another lowest common denominator blockbuster loaded with painfully juvenile humor that resorts to the likes of dopey animal tricks in pursuit of as many easy laughs as possible. More importantly, it’s an unmotivated feature with a thin narrative that’s been stretched out to fill a seemingly endless 168 minutes. One thing I’ll never understand about these Pirates of the Caribbean films is what exactly convinced director Gore Verbinski and writers Ted Elliott & Terry Rossio that there was a public demand for films even longer than the already too long original film in the franchise. This movie does not feel quite as aimless and annoying as Dead Man’s Chest did, but it certainly gives the impression that very little ended up on the cutting room floor. It’s perhaps the most cluttered, manic, and incomprehensible film of the summer so far and I could barely muster enough enthusiasm to even mildly keep up with the film’s roundabout plot technique. People are constantly forming and then breaking alliances, cutting deals, changing motivations, swapping ships, bouncing around from strange locale to strange locale. I can deal with a silly, ambiguous plot if I at least enjoy the characters, but I could never really believe in any of these people. They’re all such cartoonish buffoons by this point. It seems their IQ drops with each subsequent film. Orlando Bloom, Keira Knightley, and Johnny Depp as the film’s trio of renegade antiheroes all look unenthused about the dumb shtick they are yet again peddling. Knightley, in particular, seems shrill and bored in what’s bound to be the most embarrassing performance of the young Academy Award nominee’s otherwise splendid career.

The one element of these films that truly is impressive is the special effects and CGI work done as well as the very detailed costumes and set pieces. Visually, it’s a stunning feature to look at, but Verbinski is all too eager to throw in as many ships, explosions, sight gags and everything else that can best destroy a perfectly good frame. Perhaps a little patience and sincerity might have made me care about this world and these characters just enough to keep their goofy antics appealing, but no such attention was given. By the time the movie reached its climactic battle scene (and trust me, it doesn’t come quick), I didn’t really know what anyone was fighting for anymore and I was totally unconcerned with who lived and who died. It’s hard to imagine how any film could fail more than that.

Grade: C-